Posted in POEMS

(UNTITLED) 

You’re dying as we speak,

A minute at a time,

Its okay     

    I’ll      take     it       slow;

Breathe in,

Breathe out;

And off you go.

Run! As fast as you can!

Stop and you’re shot.

Well darlin’ that’s the plan!

Hold your breath,                          Count.

One Hundred,                  ninety-nine,                                Ninety-eight..

.

………….…One.

Reemerge. Repeat.

Hamsters on a wheel

A broken treadmill

Soldiers lined up for a phantom war.

Tick-tock tick-tock goes the clock.

You’re dying a minute at a time

You                      are                   dying

as

we                          s                  p             e                        a                                 

Posted in POEMS

Trajectories 

Our paths cross with countless strangers,  

Strangers who may never be more than a coffee encounter 

Or an empty seat on an otherwise full bus. 

But  maybe for the cost of coffee

Would come a million dollars?

Who knew that strangers 

With only one few hours to their credit 

Would lead to 

That long coffee which cost you 

That missed train, which led to

That empty bus seat, next to

That stranger, whose brief correspondence 

Sparked a thought.. Born of casual banter

Evolving into your next best seller. 

Posted in ARTICLES

LOVING INFNITY

I loved him, and he loved me. But happily ever after was never the end. How do you stay with a person who never craves you as you do him? What do you do when he makes you feel Everything- makes you feel beautiful and cherished inside out. Someone who treats your body like a shrine and can make you feel sinful in all the right ways. What do you do when the same person can go for weeks not talking to you, not because he doesn’t care, just that you were never as all consuming for him as he was to you.

After a point, your daily calls feel like an intrusion. Your ego feeds you sweet poison by whispering words of ‘why can’t he, why should I’…

I loved him and I still do, and I never had a cause to leave. He was never perfect, he was flawed and scarred. He was real, and I gave all that had to him `and I felt more secure than ever before.  But he was never mine.

One summer night as we made love, beads of perspiration coated us -a saga of the hot air and the act of passion. I remember looking into his eyes, the intensity of his stare shook me to my very core and I came and as he cradled me to him riding out his own climax I knew nothing could ever compare to that feeling of being truly content as on that ordinary hot summer night. We spoke for hours that night, I can recall some snippets of poetry and prose, some of politics, I can recall laughing till my sides ached and crying in his arms as my sobs shook us, joined as we were. I have many such memories imprinted into my mind; ordinary events, those of little importance in the grand scheme of thing.

Despite it all we fell apart, and I never stopped loving him. Alas, when has love ever been enough? We drifted apart smoothly just as we fell in love without conflict or confusion.

Some days we talk and it’s easy, familiar. The thought ‘what if’ does creep in, albeit rarely, but that passes quickly. I am still in love with him as he with me, nothing will ever change that. But our love made us choose to leave- we chose a happiness that surpassed what we had.

 Belonging to someone who never really owns you, to me was the worst sort of burden. The mind perceives deception especially when there are grounds for none. On the nights where I’d sit by the phone fighting ego, I felt weak, dependent, and needy. For me a middle ground never existed. For him, he knew he could never change because some people are just not wired that way.

Sometimes you can love a person to your very core and yet know that you have to walk apart.

He was real and yet unattainable. I still love him and I always will, but when has love ever been enough?

We’re lovers of infinity, in love with concepts and beings who never truly belong, to us or anyone else. We are the people cursed with a love whose intensity perhaps feeds of never being reciprocated… We are not the tales of unrequited love, or of dead lovers and forgotten dreams. We are not the summer ‘that was’; for these are the tragedies of love that mercifully end.

 

 

 

________________

 

Posted in Uncategorized

Today is my reality 

“He was the first to recognize me, and to love what he saw.”

 “To be together is for us to be at once free as in solitude, as gay as in company. We talk, I believe, all day long: to talk to each other is but more animated and an audible thinking. All my confidence is bestowed on him, all his confidence is devoted to me; we are precisely suited in character – perfect concord is the result.” 
―  Charlotte Bronte, Jane Eyre 

You’re gone my love…and despite everything, why am I not sad? You knew it didn’t you, that you had to leave? Then why do I not feel betrayed? You left me…then why do I not feel alone? Why do I sense your presence more than my own being?

Those who speak of love, did they ever experience it as I do now? All those who speak of the earth shattering, life changing event, did they ever feel this way, as I now do? Is this love my dear, tell me…because I don’t know! …This feeling of being complete, of complete conscience, of absolute clarity, of sensing, of feeling…is this love? Tell me, because I don’t know….

After all this time, all these years, I feel like a man who at the last days of his life has become conscious of every breath he takes and is reveling in the miracle called life! All this years I have felt it and I don’t care that you’re gone, that you’ll never answer these questions…but somehow I still want to ask you, is this love? Because somehow I feel it’s much more than that!

This new-found consciousness has, for the first time in my life, made me feel alive! Strange that I never felt this way when you were here!

Don’t be mistaken my dear! I do grieve your loss. But then again you had to go someday didn’t you? …Just another date, another two digits on a piece of paper! Today, tomorrow, ten years down the lane, either way one of us had to leave. Better you than me I say…

Regret now that is another thing entirely. I never told you how much I love you enough…but why do I feel that somehow you always knew? Why do I feel that somehow even knew? All these years we shared everything, but never those three words, we never said them, not often anyway.  And yet it was there in everything that we did…I wonder now, was there ever a need? ‘My love’, two words, and see how naturally it comes to me now! Yet ‘I love you’ –that we never did say! I wonder, were there times when we whispered them unknowingly? Sometime in these past 57 years when our hearts voiced the feeling that already coursed through our veins? …I wonder…..

57 years my love! 57 years of being in each other’s presence…of living, breathing, being with each other…Some say time flies, does it really? To me these 57 years have passed with absolute clarity of my being! I can’t recall single day when I didn’t feel your presence! Ask me if I want 114 years more with you I’d say yes in a heartbeat! But ask me if I regret the 57 that just went by…I honestly can’t recall a single moment that would compel me to say yes!

When people die, we often try to immortalise the deceased; reliving every moment spent in the hope that we can hold on to their memory … Fists clenched tight, holding on to the bygone sands of time,  perhaps forgetting that sand slips faster through clenched fists…

Somehow my dear I don’t have to recall! I remember you see, all those years, I remember every moment we spent together and even those spent apart! Because you never did leave did you? Even now I feel you!

Ours was a mutual obsession. You consumed my being; my thoughts, my presence, everything! Much like I consumed you! We were so greedy weren’t we? We took away, we shared everything…our joys, our grief… to us it was never ‘you’ or ‘me’ it was always ‘us’. Was there ever a time when we weren’t one? We didn’t complete each other, we complimented each other! Two pieces of the same puzzle each unique, each complete, yet together we were magnificent!

Our first fight, out first argument, I remember it all…The first time we met, you knew it even then that we would always be together. We were just thirteen! Yet did age ever matter?

 I was sitting on a park bench and you hit your ball right into my face, you and all your crazy friends! I had a black eye for weeks! I can see you even now, the way you run towards me, hair sticking out in all directions, that tiny mud stain on your nose, the torn faded jeans, the ripped T-shirt. And just like that you said,” Hey, Im sorry! You’ll have a black eye now pretty girl. I’ll get some ice for you…You wanna be friends?” And you stuck your hand out just like that, covered in blood, bruises and mud and I took it right away…

Why was I not angry at you? But like so many things does it matter? You called me ‘Pretty girl’ for weeks that was before I realized that we didn’t know each other’s names! I wonder if I hadn’t asked you your name would I even know it now. Because for you such things never did matter… like it doesn’t matter to me now? I wonder when I turned that way…I wonder……

Remember the first time we made love? We were just 17! But somehow it age was always a number to us…All these years never did that fervor die down…remember the last time we made love? Both of us 70 years old and going at it like teenagers! That was the day before you left me…and now looking back I know that you knew it was our last time, I’ll be honest, I felt it too!

Somehow we made every second that we lived count, we made every heartbeat matter!

My dear, My Love, I could go on… I could recount every second of these 57 years, Our first kiss, your proposal, our marriage, the time when we found out we couldn’t have kids…we took it all in stride, the two of us. A life time spent in just BEING! I gave you all I have, just like you gave me everything you had…!

I am going my love…the cancer reports are positive. Stage four…tomorrow is my last day, don’t ask me how, I just know!  I am leaving this world and today more so than ever I feel your presence. All this years you always said “Today is my reality!” You said that you had one life and you’re gonna live it up! My love you did… I did… but most importantly…We did!

And now my time is up…

I love you.

-Pretty Girl

Posted in POEMS

The Concept of Being

In an existential reality

Born not from self-sufficiency,

Rather from a dearth of acclaim

Or reinstitution of belief

From sources other than self-

I have begun to appreciate

The concept of Being.

This logic contrived by me

May neither warrant

Acceptance nor approval, but

Such is the nature of most things in life-

I have just begun to realise-

Belonging to the road less travelled by.

While the paths we take may

Merge down the road or

Bifurcate to never meet again,

The difference lies not in the choice itself

And instead

the attitude with which it was taken

and the rationale behind taking it .

imagesCA5Q5R07

Posted in Uncategorized

Let your love fire your veins
With a passion that sets you aflame
And consumes you:
Whole, merciless and unforgiving.

Posted in POEMS

N.o.t.h.i.n.g.

In the space between
The atoms that make you;
In the silence that cloaks
The pale moon sky,
In the refugee that you seek
Behind closed eyelids
And in the sound within your grave,
Seek, and you shall find me!

I am the language between lovers
Left with only ‘was’ and ‘could have been ‘.
In me lies secrets never exchanged
And a million stories left unsaid.
I am eternal, all encompassing
Unsubstantial, body-less, soul-less.
When all else shall perish
I’ll remain !
Living endlessly on in
the void that fills
Time and space.

Posted in POEMS

 

 

 

 

Fickle is the human mind,

As it flirts with each passing fancy;

Chasing uncouth dreams,

Lost in the delirium of social whims!

 

In its myriad turns and ordered chaos

There’s more often than naught

A dearth of self –

To which it is either

 Un-enlightened or indifferent.

 

Whistling bawdy tunes,

Sweet toothed on binary codes,

It’s balanced on a tightrope

Over fire and brimstone.