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We are slipping into a state of confusion wherein the problems we build for our self by far out do those from exogenous strains. We are highly intelligent beings with minds that could reach zenith previously thought insurmountable. And yet these minds have turned mutant, targeting self in the absence of better aim.

Look around you; you’re not the only one plagued by the disease of over-thinking, guilt, jealousy… these are today’s modern world epidemics of actual medical concern. They are real monsters that We built. It is pertinent that mental health should not be a topic of ridicule, but if we come to stage where it is in running in parallel with the likes of diseases like AIDS in terms of morbidity and eventual mortality, WE MUST WAKE UP.

The pharmaceutical companies make their pretty penny shelling out anti psychotic, anti-depressant, anti-“Mental ill-health” meds while we stay the gullible customer eating up the brand names and ‘guaranteed cures’. It’s all chemicals at the end of the day, your body is the chemistry lab; can happiness be really bought ?

Your disease is real, the struggle is real. But the battle is your own to fight so GIVE UP.

The state of denial is one of escape while, the ‘reality’ we build might just be that, an architecture to suit our whims.  The crux of the matter lies in the simple fact that we must STOP. Stop trying, explaining, remembering, forgetting we must stop all that hampers us from living in the now. … Accept the Reality of your situation and learn to live.

The adversities you face, no one can truly understand or comprehend, your pain is not the worst, but you Are hurting. It is for you to accept that you are alone,  you always were, as is everyone else and there is nothing terrible about that. Only in solitude can you appreciate the beauty that is You. Only in seclusion will you learn to enjoy your own company and fall in love with yourself. And when you have, there will be so much more of you for others to love.


Whoever you are out there reading this, going through the joys or sorrows of life, remember to give up once in while at the right times and in the right moments. You are here and you are alive and the world as we know it is not dead (yet). You can win this battles with yourself after all no one knows the enemy better than You 🙂

I don’t wish you a happy day ahead, neither do I wish to lessen your pain; I just hope that you have the will to fight. To let the masks fall, to finally wear the armor and stand tall. I hope that at the end of the day when you emerge out through it all, you are left better, stronger! Be ready to embrace your wounds, battle scars give the best stories to tell.

So go ahead soldier and win this war!

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I loved him, and he loved me. But happily ever after was never the end. How do you stay with a person who never craves you as you do him? What do you do when he makes you feel Everything- makes you feel beautiful and cherished inside out. Someone who treats your body like a shrine and can make you feel sinful in all the right ways. What do you do when the same person can go for weeks not talking to you, not because he doesn’t care, just that you were never as all consuming for him as he was to you.

After a point, your daily calls feel like an intrusion. Your ego feeds you sweet poison by whispering words of ‘why can’t he, why should I’…

I loved him and I still do, and I never had a cause to leave. He was never perfect, he was flawed and scarred. He was real, and I gave all that had to him `and I felt more secure than ever before.  But he was never mine.

One summer night as we made love, beads of perspiration coated us -a saga of the hot air and the act of passion. I remember looking into his eyes, the intensity of his stare shook me to my very core and I came and as he cradled me to him riding out his own climax I knew nothing could ever compare to that feeling of being truly content as on that ordinary hot summer night. We spoke for hours that night, I can recall some snippets of poetry and prose, some of politics, I can recall laughing till my sides ached and crying in his arms as my sobs shook us, joined as we were. I have many such memories imprinted into my mind; ordinary events, those of little importance in the grand scheme of thing.

Despite it all we fell apart, and I never stopped loving him. Alas, when has love ever been enough? We drifted apart smoothly just as we fell in love without conflict or confusion.

Some days we talk and it’s easy, familiar. The thought ‘what if’ does creep in, albeit rarely, but that passes quickly. I am still in love with him as he with me, nothing will ever change that. But our love made us choose to leave- we chose a happiness that surpassed what we had.

 Belonging to someone who never really owns you, to me was the worst sort of burden. The mind perceives deception especially when there are grounds for none. On the nights where I’d sit by the phone fighting ego, I felt weak, dependent, and needy. For me a middle ground never existed. For him, he knew he could never change because some people are just not wired that way.

Sometimes you can love a person to your very core and yet know that you have to walk apart.

He was real and yet unattainable. I still love him and I always will, but when has love ever been enough?

We’re lovers of infinity, in love with concepts and beings who never truly belong, to us or anyone else. We are the people cursed with a love whose intensity perhaps feeds of never being reciprocated… We are not the tales of unrequited love, or of dead lovers and forgotten dreams. We are not the summer ‘that was’; for these are the tragedies of love that mercifully end.






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Some days like today I’m struck with this urge to organise: everything must have its place and a place for everything. These are the days the house gets rid of massive amount of “junk” wherein any little thing whose existence in the house can’t be justified gets thrown into the trash. Days later I’ll sit trying in vain to recall where I placed my laundry receipt or how the grocery list suddenly disappeared.

Papers lay strewn around me, bleeding ink. Battle wounds formed from wars that lost its vigour half way through. Some of these papers have stains on them from coffee spilt as hand dashed to keep up with the minds narrative. If you look close, you’ll see blotches on the ink as sweat and tears left their scars. Sometimes when the devil pays visit in those lonely nights when ideas cease to flow leaving behind a graveyard of possibilities, these leaves rustle –beckoning. Sometimes Continue reading “Drafts”

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The Rules Of The Game..

Every action of ours is governed by in inherent purpose – some need to justify why we move, eat , breathe, talk… Perhaps so that in the end when we shuffle of this mortal coil, for that one brief moment between life and death, it would have meant Something. So that this gift of conscience did not go waste.

In our life the choices we make are a by product of our quest in finding the purpose of life We are a by product of a cosmic experiment ( gone wrong ).

We paint our world in shades of black and white. Justify that there is only one right and one wrong. One way to live. We define and re-define the rules of the game. We disobey the rules that we claim to have been written in stone.Its an unconscious thrill we seek- to be different. We control Everything that we can. The nature around us the animals plants , soil, earth , fire, water. And while someone is busy shaping the world around him for his comfort , there is always someone else protesting. We use words that we coined to justify our actions. We smear the board and we rush to clean it. A constant tug of war where no one wins-only ropes being pulled on both sides till the players fall exhausted ; only to be replaced by someone new.

We sacrifice, give up comforts that WE built in the first place. Such hypocrisy. Such a contradiction that in the end the final canvas is a chaotic mess.

But we do it anyway. There no reason as to why I wrote this. Even lesser reason behind the fact that I shared this online. For all I Know, no one will read this…But i write it anyway.
We just ARE, we live until we die. In the end it doesn’t matter or may be it does..Either way this tale of contradiction will continue till one day it won’t. 

May be finding a reason for these wanton needs will make it all matter.

Or may be ..

Its more of a selfish reassurance….


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The Bigger Picture

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My philosophy, in essence, is the concept of man as a heroic being, with his own happiness as the moral purpose of his life, with productive achievement as his noblest activity, and reason as his only absolute.

—Ayn Rand,
How many of you out there have ever wondered –Who am I? Does my name define who I am? Is it my actions that shape me? Is it my decisions that become the parameters for my individuality? Or is it a cumulative effect of all this or is it perhaps much more?

What does it mean to truly exist for ourselves? How many of us are conscious of the ‘I’ that we so often use every day … I like it, I want it, I love it, I hate it… I…!

In reality, our every action, thought, our every need is in a way influenced by the people around us. When we say that we want to define ourselves, based on whose principle are we doing so? Who dictates the proper decorum of conduct? Who dictates whether a man is established or not? How many of us can really say that every action of ours has sprung from a conscious decision of our own being? How many of us can actually say that their life is theirs. From the time we are born to the last of our mortal days we are obligated. We are expected to support our parents, our children and occasionally even our friends.

Maybe we are doing this all wrong. Because ‘I’ is relative term, because the principle on which it is based is quite vague and inept. The answer lies in the fact that a concept such as individualism is a cumulative effect of everything that we, in essence, do?

The answer lies in the fact that by just being, by existing, by doing something that is purely us we are defining ourselves!

It isn’t our self that determines our actions, rather our actions which add on to our self, not defining it but establishing it! Our thoughts isn’t a by-product of our individuality, instead it is our individuality that is the by-product of our thoughts, actions and opinions.

Are we viewing our lives through the wrong end of the looking-glass? Are we seeking ‘self’, when it is but a vague imagery? Is it in reality nothing but a conventional concept?

If every atom could think, would it ponder about its purpose? If every dust particle had a free will would it think that its existence was too insignificant to matter at all! I believe that in questioning our actions, in seeking reason, in finding answers we are in fact defining and molding not only ourselves but everything around us.

Man creates and he destroys, rules are made only to be amended and broken. This is the beauty of existence! Right wrong, black or white …it’s all subjected to each individual’s perception.

The colors that we see around us in fact non-existent, they are merely the way in which the brain is perceives different wavelengths emitted and absorbed by different bodies. So in reality each person’s perception may vary. Some people are color blind so to them the sky is red and the grass blue. But that is their reality! So in the same way our thoughts and ideals will undoubtedly be shaped by the society that surrounds us but they still are conscious thoughts and thus they still do help in establishing ourselves!

By every conscious decision we make we are in essence strengthening our individuality! When you choose to watch a certain show, when you choose to read a certain book, when you choose to wear a dress you are establishing yourself! But when you do all these keeping someone else’s comfort in your mind… your ‘I’ ceases to exist and that is the harsh reality!

An individualist is a man who says: “I will not run anyone’s life—nor let anyone run mine. I will not rule nor be ruled. I will not be a master nor a slave. I will not sacrifice myself to anyone—nor sacrifice anyone to myself.” – Ayn Rand

When you live for yourself, know that you have found the joy of living! When your happiness ends up making others happy know that you have succeeded! In every thought that is your own, you are creating reality! In every word you write, every thought you voice, every picture you paint, you create reality. And in reality lies existence. And in existing, in living you are defining, strengthening, establishing and shaping yourself! And therein lays your identity!

Never forget that you Matter! You are Important! Your voice deserves to be Heard! And only YOU can make that possible! It is YOUR reality and it is up to YOU to shape it!


Author note: Please feel free to share your views and opinions 🙂 It will be much appreciated!

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To live like there’s no tomorrow.To DREAM such that there is no boundary between virtual and reality .To BELIEVE such that faith takes a new meaning.To EXPRESS  so much that the language falls short of words.To have FAITH in self when no one else does…..This is what it means to be ME…I live FOR myself……….

And if doing all this is Ordinary…………..

.I Assure YOU that I AM QUITE


“People are often unreasonable and self centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are
honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway. The good you do today may be
forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have and it may
never be enough. Give your best anyway. In the end, it is between you and God. It
was never between you and them anyway.”

“People are oft…